07 December 2011

If You Watch Only One Video This Week

This is a wonderful video/animation set to "World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies. Both the song and the video are worth checking out.

You can check out the Official video for the song here . It's cute in it's own right but I prefer the animation above.

02 December 2011

Killing Time In The ‘Verse

Was this week long or did it fly by? I’m not sure I will know until Monday.

I redesigned the blog this week. As much as I liked the other template, I think the new on is much cleaner. Opinions welcome.

Made hybrid-lizard-robot-war-machines for someone.

Participated (?) in my first celebrity-cell-phone-video-cast-whatever. This was pretty cool. Wil Wheaton did an impromptu tour of his office via his cell phone cam. He’s testing the waters for doing these kinds of things from conventions (I think) and other stuff. I have to be honest – I could not stand his character in Next Generation but he has grown on me lately. Below is a screen capture of painting in his office that Kevin Smith bought for him.

The whole thing was like twenty minutes and pretty freaking cool. Click here and you can catch a recording of it on his blog.

I found a a new music group to download. Cool Stuff.

Maybe premature but why wait til the last minute. I could go with either though the urn is pretty spiffy.

Other stuff-

Why I have to check before I purchase Christmas gifts for anyone.

Why I probably didn’t get that part-time job at the Sears Portrait Studio.

The Chritsmas Elf Returneth or There Will Be Blood Part II

I was afraid of this. I have been through this before, about three years ago, and had forgotten like the fool I am. Now I have to contend with my four year old daughter who has heard rumors. This post is from my first experience with the little bastard.

 When I was six years old, I still believed in Santa Clause. To insure that I continued to believe, my mother went to great lengths. That year, in our humble little second floor apartment, she somehow managed to put footprints in the snow on the roof outside the bedroom window I shared with my younger sister. There were even little hoof prints and what looked like sleigh tracks. My sister and I ran into the living room to tell her what we had seen, totally oblivious to the cast on her leg and the neighbors sitting there with her. To this day, I appreciate what she did. It was one of those magical moments that still lingers with me at this time of year.

We weren’t big on ‘traditions’ at Christmas. We would go to a mid-night service on Christmas Eve, we opened our presents on Christmas morning, (Unlike the barbaric practice that some participate in, where one to all gifts are opened on Christmas Eve. Pagans!) and on New Years, my mother would burn a Bayberry candle all day for good luck and prosperity in the coming year.

I don’t know exactly when I stopped ‘believing’ in Santa. I like to think it was around eight or nine. I don’t know. I have a ten year old step-son, now. He insists he believes in Santa. My wife struggles to keep it going. For the three years we have been married, it’s been a priority. One of the ways this is accomplished is by marking all but one or two gifts ‘From : Santa’. He spends half the day with her, then goes to his step-dad’s and finds even more gifts ‘From : Santa’. His parents discuss what they are getting him so they don’t screw up and get the same thing, because, as you well know, this would shatter the charade and the boy would know.

I play along. I have to. I don’t want to ruin Christmas for him. Yet, part of me wonders…suspects…that he may be "playing" along for the sake of all the adults at this point. That has been my belief for the past year. But I go along with it all. And all of the traditions my wife’s family has. That is, until this year. This year, I had to put my foot down. I had to put it down hard. I had to put it down on ‘Linda The Elf’.

01 December 2011

Knocking Nickelodeon

My four year old daughter has been watching Nickelodeon for a while now. Though I don’t resent the shows I have had to give up so she can watch hers or the ones I have had to give up because they have been banned, I do have some issues with a few of the shows.

Olivia : Olivia is ‘the little girl pig with the big imagination’. She’s also precocious, obnoxious, and selfish. I do not like Olivia. If I have to watch pigs, I would prefer to watch Peppa Pig, who is only cheeky compared to Olivia. All the personality issues aside, I often watch these shows with my daughter and I can’t help but wonder about certain things. In the case of Olivia and Peppa and their families I made the mistake of asking my daughter “What do they eat with their eggs?” She looked at me and asked what I meant and I said “You love bacon with your eggs. What does Olivia and her family eat with their eggs?” She smiled and said “Bacon” to which I was quick to point out (because she needs to know these things and how messed up these shows are) that bacon comes from pigs. She wasn’t to thrilled with that little tidbit and took it to her mother. In mere seconds she came running back to me , smiled, and said “Turkey bacon!”. I yelled down the hall to my wife “You don’t know that!” My daughter behind me also added “And mommy said we’ll be getting turkey bacon from now on!” 
Son of a bitch.

Franklin: Why is Franklin (a turtle) the only one who wears any clothes? Bear, Fox, Rabbit, Beaver, and Snail do not wear clothes. Franklin is the only one with a name for that matter. There is some kind of elitist-class thing going on here. Then there is Bear. This kid (and I use the term loosely. He’s twice the size of the rest of his friends) is always hungry. He’s hungry to the point that his friends feel they have to hide their food from him or when food does go missing he is the first one to be suspect. If there was any reality to this at all, Bear would have eaten Rabbit two seasons ago and Franklin would be afraid to come out of his shell. Hell, Bear and Fox should have gone in together and wiped out Beavers family by now. But none of this happens, of course. In the meantime, my daughter thinks all the little woodland creatures are buddy and buddy and no one eats each other or any meat at all for that matter. The one thing I do notice is that the fish are still just fish. They don’t talk or go to school. More elitist-class crap.

Max & Ruby : Here is the description for this bullshit- “Max, a rambunctious and determined three-year-old rabbit, and his big sister, Ruby, a patient, goal-oriented, sometimes restrictive seven-year-old rabbit” . Max is a three year shit that gets out of all the fucking trouble he causes by being cute and his inability to put more than two fucking words together at a time. Ruby is controlling, overbearing, anal,  and is suffering from OCD and and is going to end up a spinster-cat-lady on the other side of town. The real question here is where are the mother fucking parents!!??  They are nowhere. Ever. This is like Home Alone meets The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane. The grandmother shows up once in a while and she doesn’t even ask where the parents are! She knows what I know and that is that Ruby got pushed to hard or Mom forgot to fluff her fucking pillow and now mom and dad are worm food in the basement. Of course, I am not allowed to voice my opinion around my daughter so I have had to settle for referring to it as The Bad Bunny how, which still gets me the squinty eye across the dinner table.

Yo Gabba Gabba : I’ll keep this one short. One character looks like a fucking dildo (a studded-for-your-pleasure-dildo and he even has just one eye in case you can’t put it all together), another looks like a butt plug, going with this theme the third looks like a damn love mitt, the cat-costumed-one is obviously some reference to pussy,  and the fucking robot is obviously the power supply for the first three because they are all battery-fucking-operated. The host, DJ Lance Rock, dresses the way I imagine Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch did for his senior prom right down to the boom box. Oh, and ‘Gabba Land’! Isn’t that where you go when you get the good crack??! And just what the fuck does Yo Gabba Gabba mean?!?!

There are days where she does not want to watch Nickelodeon. On those days we often end up watching Barney and I realize as bad as I don’t want her to grow up I need her to because I’m liable to throttle the shit out of the first innocent dweeb that crosses my path in a dinosaur costume and it won’t matter what fucking color it is, he’ll be going down.

Trying To Catch Up

I seriously need to update some things. I need to update ‘The List’ though I am currently limited as to what I can put on it. (I think I’m going implode if I have to hold back much longer)

I was going through some of my old blog posts that some friends were kind enough to forward to me. Why in Gods name they had them saved to begin with is beyond me. I’m posting one from about 5 years ago that definitely needs updating.

Things That Make My Wife Laugh

6 weeks into the pregnancy and my wife has finally discovered what a comedian I am.
These are things that make her laugh.

"Honey, you shouldn't eat that, it has (caffiene, sugar, carbs, a non-Splenda artificial sweetner)."
"I can handle poopy diapers. I pick up the dog's shit, don't I?"
"If it's a boy we could call him...
"If it's a girl we could call her
"You know you shouldn't do that."
"Of course I will get up in the middle of the night with you."
Things that REALLY make her laugh...
"How hard can it be?"
"But I like the playpen with the changing table."
"What do you mean I won't be able to use a changing table?"
"Then why do they even make changing tables?"
"OOOh. I like the little sheepies!" (Don't ask.)
"But it says right here that the curved bottle is better for the baby."
"If I can handle you when you got food poisoning, I can handle a little baby spew."
"Honey, will you stop explaining every little thing to me. I'll figure it out for myself as we go along."
"Honey, will you stop explaining every little thing to me. I'll figure it out for myself as we go along. I'm a grown man."
"Honey, will you stop explaining every little thing to me. I'll figure it out for myself as we go along. I'm a grown man. I've put complex electronics together."
"You know you shouldn't eat that. What did the doctor tell you?"
This last one really cracks her up.
"Honey...Honey! Honey, you know that's bad for the baby. Don't make me assert my authority."