12 February 2016

Star Trek Online: Why I Think It’s Broken and Why I’ll Keep On Playing

Star Trek Online is celebrating it’s 6th Anniversary this month. But the celebration has soured for me. I was in from the beginning. Before it was Free-2-Play. Before it was free to download. I had purchased my copy through Stardock’s Impulse Gaming Platform and dove head first into the first online, PC game, I had ever explored or played. I was 46 years old. I had a step-son who was playing W.O.W., and that was all I knew of the online gaming universe at the time.

Over the years,I have tried to be supportive. I even kept up a monthly subscription when it went F2P. But after the first year of that, I found myself closing my subscription and going the F2P route. There were too many bugs, too many discrepancies in the games economy. Accusations flying around that the PvP folks pulled the strings or the ones who held subscriptions did, that F2P people were ignored. The few perks paying a subscription fee suddenly didn’t seem worth it.

All of that side, the past few two years have seen it;s ups and downs. I don’t claim to have a clue how well the game is doing over all. They are a few who claim STOL is going down, or already has gone down and just refuses to see the light at the end of the tunnel and walk towards it. Me, I want the game to work. I want it to last another six years. I love Star Trek. I am invested in this game in more ways than just money

Because since I started playing STOL, I have made friends through the game and they have showed me other games. I’ve played many. I’ve always come back to STOL, because it is my first true love in gaming and there really is nothing else that can replace the whole Star Trek experience for me like STOL does.

Sadly, though…and finally…I find myself starting to drift from the game. I don’t need to list all the in game issues or go on about the things that should be fixed , or what’s wrong with this and that. It’s not the game that is broken. What’s broken is the intent to take a widely, deeply loved, and cherished franchise and make something out of it that should be truly magnificent and wonderful and leave no player hoping that another company will come along and get it right because THIS ONE should be right.

A week ago, on what has become an almost nightly event, STOL was DDoS-ed (attacked). Granted, these attacks are not the fault of STOL and I honestly don’t know if that is the main cause for these nightly crashes. So, while it was down,  I looked to the forums to see if anyone, meaning DEV, had posted what was going on this particular night. I stumbled across a thread titled

 “Frequently Created Threads (F.C.T.)”.

 This thread was put up by one of the Moderators and it basically listed F.T.C.’s (I am using the abbreviation only because the poster did so in the title?) that would not be permitted anymore because

 “The team constantly sees questions that get asked over and over again, even when developers have responded”

and so

“Any threads created about the topic's below will now be closed with a link to this FCT.”

25 January 2016

When I'm Not Posting

card_03   It’s not that I don’t have anything to say or write about. Sometimes I just have so much, I don’t where to start and more often than not, I get jammed up.

The pain certainly doesn’t stop or go away. The depression does lessen…sometimes. It’s the questions that don’t stop coming and the frustration that keeps banging on my brain like a loose shutter in a noreaster that bangs on the side of the house.

It’s not being able to keep it fun and light when I want to and the feeling that I’m not getting my point across when I just let go with both barrels that leaves me twisting in the wind. Sometimes, it feels like the pain is all I have. All I have to turn to. I guess , it’s because we know each other so well.

11 January 2016

What Would The Manicurist Say?

**bad language alert**

Pain can be strange.. It can be funny, but today it's strange. My old man held the firm belief that you couldn't hurt in two places at the same time. For example, I would tell him my tooth hurt and he would grind the heel of his size 10 1/2 cowboy boot through the toe of my Converse sneakers and as I yelped in pain he would smile and say 'Bet you're tooth don't hurt, NOW?" (Yeah, I’ve told that lil’ story to death)

I can only assume that this is the reason I have started ripping my nails out while I sleep AND have nightmares, because my subconscious is trying to distract me from all the other pain I'm dealing with. Right?

 Problem is...and keep up now, cause it gets slippery here....

I fall asleep mostly from sheer exhaustion that comes from not being ABLE to sleep in the first place because of all the pain I am in and I end up waking myself up from when I fall asleep because I am ripping nails off in my sleep and it freaking HURTS and am having nightmares that I am being tortured (wonder where THEY come from?!) and lay there with bleeding fingers, bizarre images from the nightmares still in my head, wide awake at two in the morning, afraid to go BACK to sleep but nodding off as I wonder how I can rip my own nails off when I am sleeping..ONLY -TO - GO- THROUGH - IT - ALL - AGAIN...(big breath)..to have my wife wake me up an hour later cause I am screaming or crying from the next nightmare.

SO...from now on when someone asks how I am doing, like my pain management doctor, I'm just gonna hold up my hands and say 'Well, my fingers are fucking KILLING me... ALONG.. with ALL the other pain I'm being treated for. Would you mind indulging me and grind your heel into my toes? Cause, really, just between you and me, the fucking DRUGS AREN'T CUTTING IT ANYMORE!!"

01 December 2015

To Blog Or Not To Whine Like a Baby

Bunks-Desktop-005First things first. Yes, I realize it's been over a year. It's not like my inbox was flooded with 'Where are you?"  or  "We miss your funny little stories!" or "Please, we have been enjoying watching as you slowly go insane!" emails. So, this post will be going out across all my blogs, just in case you see numerous duplicates of it popping up here and there and that goes for all three of you..or is it five? Look, I know I posted somewhere that I was done posting…or ‘whining’ about my chronic pain and all that is dragged along with it like so many bent and rusty tin cans tied to the bumper of a wedding carriage that derailed and has been lying in a ditch somewhere, the corpses long ago feasted upon by zombie-squirrels. But things change. In all actually, THIS may be my last post. Or not.

I don’t know where to turn when you’re sent to a psychologist who ends up telling you , for three consecutive sessions, how hard of a time HE is having adjusting to life in the south, unfriendly neighbors, and a boss that just doesn’t get him. (All the while, you’re unable to get comfortable in a leather chair that Winston Churchill would have adopted as the son he never had, and you have enough opiates swimming through you to down a football team for a weekend because nothing is cutting through the pain.) So, I’ve come back here. Come ‘home’ as they might say, though they say ‘you never can go home, again’ or is it Paul Simon singing ‘Gee, but it’s great to be back home”? Right. Cause ‘home is where I oughta be’.

06 June 2014

How to Understand Someone With Chronic Pain

This is a repost of a wonderfully written Wiki-How that I came across in Tumblr on http://my-zebra-world.tumblr.com/ .

For me, it was an affirmation that I was not only alone but understood as well.

Below is the first bit, followed by a link to the rest of the article. I hope you find it as insightful as I did. 

Chronic pain sufferers have attempted numerous alternative therapies and know what therapies have worked or not worked for them. Some people have been misinformed or merely misunderstand the daily battle and quite often unintentionally undermine the sufferer.
In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand: These are some things that can help you to understand and help people who suffer from often debilitating, chronic pain.