The pain certainly doesn’t stop or go away. The depression does lessen…sometimes. It’s the questions that don’t stop coming and the frustration that keeps banging on my brain like a loose shutter in a noreaster that bangs on the side of the house.
It’s not being able to keep it fun and light when I want to and the feeling that I’m not getting my point across when I just let go with both barrels that leaves me twisting in the wind. Sometimes, it feels like the pain is all I have. All I have to turn to. I guess , it’s because we know each other so well.
Posting or not, Noah, you are in our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteWe all know that no one can truly understand this hellish road you are on unless they,too, have been there. And even then their experience will be different than yours.
So - cliche' though it might be - here is a little something I learned long ago.
If it helps, write about it - or scream, or paint or what ever it takes. Let the frustration and the fear and hopelessness out and when the dark starts closing in and you feel all alone in this world of pain - think of the little things that bring light and joy - your daughters laughter, the touch of your wife's hand, the sound of music.
Even these small glimmers can keep the hope alive. It may not seem like much, but little things like that are what kept me alive when it would have been ever so easy to just let the darkness take me.
You have no idea how much your courage in the face of all of this shines through. You are an inspiration. Not just because of what you are enduring now, but because of who you are. A talented, warm and caring individual who loves his family and through whom great music flows.
I am grateful to have you as a friend, albeit an online one.