**bad language alert**
Pain can be strange.. It can be funny, but today it's strange. My old man held the firm belief that you couldn't hurt in two places at the same time. For example, I would tell him my tooth hurt and he would grind the heel of his size 10 1/2 cowboy boot through the toe of my Converse sneakers and as I yelped in pain he would smile and say 'Bet you're tooth don't hurt, NOW?" (Yeah, I’ve told that lil’ story to death)
I can only assume that this is the reason I have started ripping my nails out while I sleep AND have nightmares, because my subconscious is trying to distract me from all the other pain I'm dealing with. Right?
Problem is...and keep up now, cause it gets slippery here....
I fall asleep mostly from sheer exhaustion that comes from not being ABLE to sleep in the first place because of all the pain I am in and I end up waking myself up from when I fall asleep because I am ripping nails off in my sleep and it freaking HURTS and am having nightmares that I am being tortured (wonder where THEY come from?!) and lay there with bleeding fingers, bizarre images from the nightmares still in my head, wide awake at two in the morning, afraid to go BACK to sleep but nodding off as I wonder how I can rip my own nails off when I am sleeping..ONLY -TO - GO- THROUGH - IT - ALL - AGAIN...(big breath)..to have my wife wake me up an hour later cause I am screaming or crying from the next nightmare.
SO...from now on when someone asks how I am doing, like my pain management doctor, I'm just gonna hold up my hands and say 'Well, my fingers are fucking KILLING me... ALONG.. with ALL the other pain I'm being treated for. Would you mind indulging me and grind your heel into my toes? Cause, really, just between you and me, the fucking DRUGS AREN'T CUTTING IT ANYMORE!!"